Synthesis Post #3 (Written 4/9, Published 4/14)

This past week was a relatively short one for me at the middle school. I had to cash in on some extra hours on site from last week, because my allergies were driving me crazy when I woke up on Thursday morning. Instead, I only got to see the last class period of the day on Tuesday. While I was there, I got to do a little bit of work in the class, but I'm starting to worry that with the testing all next week it will be incredibly hard to actually get time in front of the class during this experience and to make any real connections with the students.

The teachers were conducting review sessions for their mini-lessons all week long, so I couldn't really get myself involved in the planning. They had too much to cover in the last week before the state tests, and it felt extremely uncomfortable and even slightly unprofessional to ask about inserting myself into the class more and more with testing coming up. These tests are always so high stakes for students and teachers alike, so I feel like I'm interfering more than helping or learning from the classroom experience. After much observing, I finally got up the gumption last week to ask if I could take on a larger role in the classroom and my mentor was very welcoming to that idea. However, when I actually got to help guide the review session, the training wheels were still very much in place. My bubbly, engaging personality in the classroom, which I believe to be one of my best assets, didn't really have an opportunity to shine through, because I felt like my mentor teacher would step in and take over every time there was a divergence between our styles. I greatly appreciate that she has so much care for her students learning, and I can totally see how stylistic stability is necessary with tests looming around the corner. It's just that such a context doesn't really allow me the comfort or freedom to make and subsequently learn from my own mistakes.

By no means do I blame the teacher or find it unwelcoming, though. That's an important point to make. My mentor teacher has gone above and beyond to make me feel as welcome as possible in the classroom. I just think the nature of the relationship between myself and  the middle school is too superficial, for lack of a better word. It's tough for me to describe; I just haven't been part of this class all year, so jumping in for 6 weeks in the middle of the last quarter seems so unnatural and strange. I'm only partly hopeful that I'll be able to break through the awkwardness of the situation and make a personal connection with some students in the next few days and weeks, but I'll be damned if I don't give it a shot. 

[Also, sidebar: one of the students I have been observing since the beginning wasn't there for the second class period in a row. I'll have to find out if she moved classes or if I've just been unlucky on that front as well.]